Remember

Fireworks are a load of bollocks.

Ha, I don't mean that really. Well, I sort of do. But only because I'm stuck inside revising stuff on complex group structures, and not wrapped up in a ridiculously warm coat craning my neck towards the sky.

Yes, it's that time of year. Again. And again, I am stuck studying. Sigh.

Still, at least there is a big payrise incentive at the end of this cold wintery tunnel, followed by more studying and exams. Awesome.

New look

The weather is really getting quite nippy and I am not so keen on it. Normally, this is not a problem, because in the past, I've always been nice and warm in my car on the way to work. However, walking to work is now starting to get to the point where it requires a scarf and potentially gloves. 

This is not a good thing.

Firstly, I can never buy normal or fashionable gloves. It goes without saying really, as I have the shittest fashion sense going (and that's no joke). As a result, I'll end up with some crazy-thick cream woolly gloves most likely.

Like I did last year.

I got the feeling that I looked quite special wearing them (in combination with a woolly hat too), but against my own better judgment, I carried on regardless.

The scarf however, is not an issue. I can manage these quite well, and even the most strange designs and colour mixtures seem to be popular and dare I say 'fashionable'. It means I also get to look semi-suspicious.

But it's all about the gloves really. How the hell do I change tracks on my MP3 player?

Vegetarian orgasm

Sundays are traditionally rubbish days for me (see prior posts). So what better than a feast for your evening meal? As I so rightly point out in the title of this post, it's probably enough to send a vegetarian into an orgasmic rampage.

Roast potatoes, roasted carrots, roasted parsnips, roast pepper (stuffed with cheese and mushroom) and some tomato and basil risotto.

Yummy.

Douche

Ah, yes. The shopping day - Saturday. Where every complete and utter prick under the sun culminates to make my life a misery, no matter how early I manage to get there. For this reason alone, you can see where this post is heading.

However, nothing prepares me for the car parking situation. As a result, I tend to park away from the entrance, so turds don't ding my car. It's only a car, I know - but it's the principle. I wouldn't do it to someone else, but then other people just don't care and lack respect for someones property.

But today, I saw the ever-typical cock-twat parking situation from someone who 'has a bigger car than you'  so can park wherever they fucking please, no matter who they might obstruct. Today's example is the car below.

There wasn't even the 'end of row' excuse for parking slightly on/over the line neatly - this is just haphazardly slung diagonally over the hatching of the space, making it awkward for the cars driving out of the car park. Nice. Hang your head in shame and more importantly, stop being such a douche.

The Seventh

I'm a nerd.

Not exactly a revelation, but just to set the scene, in case you were none the wiser. As a result, this has meant that I feel compelled to know nerdy things that you don't and to also do silly things.

Like trying out this new Windows 7 lark.

It's actually quite cool. At least I think so, anyway. Sometimes, pretty screens, fluid animations and clever tricks are the key to winning my heart. Windows 7 does all these things in abundance, so I am currently in the process of being bowled over. Things will remain this way until something breaks and I get angry.

Otherwise, I think some music you should all listen to, is the album 'Lungs' by Florence and the Machine. You would be a complete fool not to really. Go and listen.

Great success!

It must be coincidence ... words that echo in the very fibre of my soul. Regarding yesterday's post, ASDA strangely enough saw sense to send me my god-damned film. But then I realised that Zavvi are part of the same parent company - 'The Hut Group'.

Well, that was the final straw. Here's my note to Zavvi after receiving the generic message that ASDA were sending out every few days.

Notice a few similarities to the last note I sent them, but what do you know? It's the same reason for sending the note.

"Hi there!
I fully understand the woes that a company may face in sourcing, but I really want to clarify something.

Your website shows ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ on Blu Ray in stock as ‘Available’ and I quote, ‘Usually dispatched within 3 days’. 

It’s possibly a coincidence that the website price is now £13.75, and that I ordered this very title at a cost of £6.95 (less a legit £2.50 voucher from HotUKDeals). It’s definitely a coincidence, that’s for sure.

Given that I placed this order over three weeks ago, I can only surmise that you and your colleagues at Zavvi are actually remaking this film to present me with a very special one-off edition.

While that is very kind, I would much prefer the original version if you don’t mind. As talented as Simon Douglas, Steve Peckham and Mark Noonan are, I would imagine that Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins are somewhat ‘better’ actors. 

Any news on delivery for my genuine Blu Ray?

Thanks
Jack"

If you were wondering who those people are, they are the big cheeses at Zavvi and should be well known by the staff etc. Fingers crossed that someone with a sense of humour takes some time out to find a way of 'showing the bosses'. I doubt it though, but it would be quite awesome.

Drawing a line

Fed-up of being nice about things, here is my response to a delayed order from our very own ASDA*WalMart online entertainment division. Bear in mind, this order was placed nearly a fortnight ago.

"Hello Jack,

We are aware that your order for the item (s) listed below has still not been sent and continue to work with our suppliers to get this to you as quickly as possible.

Order Number xxxxxxx 
Planet Earth

You can check the status of your order by clicking on order tracking in your account pages

Thanks for your patience, if you have any further questions please contact our customer services colleagues and they'll be happy to help.

Many Thanks,

Asda Entertainment Team"

I've been patient about it. They've sent me three of these emails already, so I decided to be reasonably polite about it.

"Hello there! 

I've received a few emails advising that you are having stock issues with my order, which is a shame and I can understand when this happens that people will likely get frustrated and annoyed. Given that I have done none of these to date, I do feel that I should just clarify something.

Firstly, your website still shows this item as, and I quote, "In stock | Usually dispatched within 24 hours".
 
Given that I am aware that there are no other editions of planet earth available (i.e. one UK SKU - no special editions, no bonus discs etc and the USA version has a different narrator), I am a little perplexed as to why my order has not been completed.

However, it is possibly a pure coincidence that the price has now gone up to £24.71, where my order was placed at £17.91. It simply must be a coincidence, else I am sure my order would have been completed, as I mentioned above.

Could someone therefore advise when my order will be sent?

Many thanks,
Jack"

I expect an equally sarcastic response. But I also hope that my order is sent out to me. I really dislike this kind of practise, whereby large companies draw you in with promises they don't intend to keep, pretend it's out of stock, eventually cancelling orders when people cotton on to the fact that the price has gone up as stock appears.

Funny that. Wankers.

Production

This weekend has been quite productive, if I may say so (and as ever, I do).

Saturday meant shopping for groceries. I am never and I mean this, ever going near ASDA in Luton again on a Saturday lunch time. It's full of complete mongs. Still, I also managed to recycle some glass bottles/jars while I was there, so it wasn't all bad.

I then managed to clean the kitchen properly. It seems to be 'missed out' by some particular house occupants, so I thought it needed something drastic. Particularly the hob, which looked quite grubby. Alas no more!

I then tackled the nuisance shower-head. You know, the ones that block up for some unknown reason (note: water softness/hardness). I was sick of showering under just 4 streams of water, one of which always went in my eye. Calgon does the trick. I've not told any of the others yet - I'm hoping they get a shock in the shower next time.

After trials and tribulations above, I fitted a new headlight bulb to my car as well. If Ford are to be believed, it's a matter of simply removing one screw and Robert is your mother's brother. No need to explain my annoyance and pathetically cut hand then..

This was all managed in the wake of a migraine. I fucking hate migraines with a passion. For those of you who don't know what they are like, imagine a camera flash going off in your face and that green blob in the shape of the flash hanging around. Only, the blob is darker, bigger and subtly moves around your field of vision, rendering peripheral vision null (seriously - you could point a gun at me and I'd not know), before anything directly in front of you disappearing.

Then suddenly - everything is clear ... except ... you have a raging headache that feels like your head is going to explode (literally). If you so much as cough, sneeze, strain a muscle, look up or down ... basically, if you do anything that you would do day to day, you feel immense pain. Like a hangover headache, only about 20x worse.

To top it off, the pain lingers for a few days. Nice. I need some triptans.

Meme-schmeem.

So here's to a random day of interesting things.

Firstly, a random kid has used the damp weather to draw a giant cock on the bonnet of my car. I'm angry, as I like to be the one to do that and it ruined my morning. Pesky kids.

Then I realised it's not normal to brew coffee at your desk. I seem to be the only person doing it in our entire office. Still, it's amazing at what lengths people go to in order to have Starbucks.

Moving on, I realised tomorrow is payday, which means it will be a good day regardless of any shit that happens. This is an irrefutable fact.

Then finally, after all those years of never replying to those chain-style emails and memes, I get nominated by Mich. Why, thank you so kindly! I think the glow-in-the-dark undergarment evidence would be a fitting reward for the pleasure of taking the time out below.

1. Where is your cell phone? .... Gone. 
2. Your hair? .... Brown/grey. 
3. Your mother? .... Short.
4. Your father? .... Moustache.
5. Your favorite food? .... Pasta 
6. Your dream last night? .... Patchy.
7. Your favorite drink? .... Orange. 
8. Your dream/goal? .... Undecided.
9. What room are you in? .... Bedroom.
10. Your hobby? .... Technology. 
11. Your fear? .... Spiders. 
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? .... USA.
13. Where were you last night? .... Bedroom. 
14. Something that you aren't? .... Posh.
15. Muffins? .... Toffee.
16. Wish list item? .... Caterham.
17. Where did you grow up? .... Southampton
18. Last thing you did? .... Edited.
19. What are you wearing? .... Shirt.
20. Your TV? .... Excessive. 
21. Your pets? .... Dead.
22. Friends? .... Distant. 
23. Your life? .... Undeserved. 
24. Your mood? .... Placid.
25. Missing someone? .... Always. 
26. Vehicle? .... Focus
27. Something you’re not wearing? .... prophylactic.
28. Your favorite store? .... Tesco.
29. Your favorite color? .... Green.
30. When was the last time you laughed? .... Lunch. 
31. Last time you cried? .... Wet. 
32. Your best friend? .... Tall. 
33. One place that I go to over and over? .... Internets. 
34. One person who emails me regularly? .... Forums.
35. Favorite place to eat? .... America.
36. Favourite animated character? .... Winry.
37. Tattooed, pierced, or virgin skin? .... Any.
38. Any guilty / embarrassing crushes? .... Indeed.
39. Your own favourite body part? .... Arms.
40. Favourite body part on others? .... Yes.

At this point, I would end it there; but for fear of bad luck forever, never finding love, my dreams never coming true, death before I turn twenty, having no true friends etc, I feel the need to nominate at least a few people. Whether or not they are still around these parts, I have no idea.

I apologise in advance to the following:

Ben (of course!), because you have already jumped ship and sold your soul to the meme.
Mr Thoughtherder, because you are a regular.
Meghan, because 'cat in a coat sleeve' is too much for one person to take.

Otherwise, here are some photos from my desk. Feel free to laugh at my coffee quirk, but pay respect to the gold (battery powered) beckoning cat from Japan. Hai!

Mad scientist

Experiments.

They are pretty cool really. I just wish I had a lab and some mad glowing chemicals to make wonderful compounds and crazy shit. Instead, I'll make do with some light-tricks with my camera, the valve amp and a torch.